Britney Spears Vs. Paris Hilton:
Who is the Dumbest Blonde in American History?

By Suzanne MacNevin (Brunette) - January 14th 2007.

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Dumb and Dumber 2007:

We'd like to apologize for to all the SMART BLONDES out there, wherever you are hiding. We know dumb blondes is a huge stereotype, but frankly you smart ones could be doing a better job of showing off your brains now and then instead of having moronic bimbos giving you a bad reputation.

In fact, as you will see in the list below, we've included some blondes on this list that are actually quite smart in comparison.

  • #1. Britney Spears: In 2006 Britney Spears got so drunk at an all night party she started puking and puked all over her 1-year-old son Sean Preston. Why was there such a small child at an all-night drinking party? Because she's a dumb blonde. She later collapsed at the same party and had to be carried out by her bodyguards. Spear's bad parenting has brought her under heavy fire and she "won" the AOL/Associated Press Award for Worst Celebrity Role Model of 2006 with 27% of the votes.

  • #2. Paris Hilton: Second Worst Celebrity Role Model of 2006 with 18% of the votes (Mel Gibson got 3rd place with 12%). While being quizzed by police about a robbery she replied: "Like I really... I don't remember. I'm not like that smart. I like forget stuff all the time."

  • #3. Christina Aguilera: This sassy and business savvy young singer defies the stereotype of dumb blonde. While she takes advantage of her blonde looks (to the extent that she even emulates Marilyn Monroe), you're not about to spot her in the tabloids getting drunk off her rocker, abusing her kids or making stupid quotes. Instead she's become a spokesperson for the importance of voting, the Unite Against Hunger movement and the Nelson Mandela Children's Fund. With all those political vibes already under her belt maybe she will run for president someday?
  • #4. Jessica Simpson: In December of 2006, while performing a tribute to Dolly Parton at the Kennedy Center Awards, she botched the words to the Dolly Parton song she was singing. She is also the star of the reality tv show "Newlyweds". Throughout the run of four seasons of "Newlyweds" reality show, Simpson epitomized the stereotypical dumb blonde, most notably when she asked Lachey whether the Chicken of the Sea tuna she was eating was in fact chicken or fish. She also indicated that she believed that buffalo wings were made from actual buffalo. Her ignorance helped turn the reality show into a huge hit.

  • #5. Pamela Anderson: Ignore the fact that she has Canadian citizenship, Pam Anderson's career has been based in the United States almost from the beginning and her lack of brains under her blonde hair is practically her trademark. In January 2005, Anderson confessed that she got new breast implants, claiming not to feel like herself without them. Anderson also claimed that the new breast implants were bigger than her old implants. During the summer of 2005, (August 14, 2005) Comedy Central created the Roast of Pamela Anderson to honor the sex symbol for the past decade. Anderson is repeatedly referred to in the film Borat as she is the reason for Borat's trip across the United States. After starring in Borat, Anderson began filming a comedy, "Blonde and Blonder". Whether she's actually dumb or just plays dumb is anyone's guess.

  • #6 & 7. Mary-Kate and Ashley (The Olsen Twins): In 2004, Mary-Kate checked into rehab for six weeks because she was suffering from the eating disorder anorexia nervosa. In January 2007 the still anorexic Mary-Kate was reported to weigh a mere 80 lbs and has been trying to cover it up with baggy clothing. Meanwhile Ashley, the smarter one, has been busy suing National Enquirer for printing false rumours that she was on drugs. She released the statement: "freedom of the press is a valuable right, but it is not a license for gossipy tabloids to tar and feather innocent celebrities and destroy their reputations and businesses for the rag's profits." How much is she suing for? 20 million US. That's a smart girl!

  • #8. Anna Nicole Smith: The former pornstar (1993 Playboy Playmate of the Year) turned talkshow host gave birth to a daughter on September 7th 2006. On September 10, 2006, Anna Nicole's 20-year-old son, Daniel Wayne Smith, died suddenly while visiting his mother in her hospital room after the birth of her daughter. According to the autopsy report he died of medication overdose (the type of medication was a lethal combination of Zoloft, Lexapro, and Methadone, drugs used for treating heroin addiction). Not really dumb, but not spectacularly smart either, Anna Nicole Smith has become a role model for young dumb blondes because she lost 69 lbs prior to becoming a Playboy model and she now lives the "Hollywood Dream". Sadly her fame and riches have contributed to the death of her son. Update: Anna Nicole died in February 2007.
  • #9. Marilyn Monroe: The most famous blonde of the 20th Century, Marilyn Monroe was an actress, a singer and a model. She epitomized fame and glamour, all the while using wit and comedic talent, sometimes even poking fun at the "dumb blonde stereotype" of herself. Her most famous films were "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and "Some Like It Hot".
  • #10. Dolly Parton: Perhaps the only person on this list who hasn't had breast implants/augmentation, Dolly Parton is actually incredibly talented and business savvy. Her blonde hair and 40 inche bustline have certainly helped her career, but she has been in the music and movie business since 1967 and she continues to be a powerful singing force. It takes a lot more than large breasts and blonde hair to stay in the business for 40+ years, during which time she has had 26 #1 singles. She is also a noted philanthropist and is known for her comedic humour.
  • #11. Anna Kournikova: Retired Russian tennis player turned American model and pornstar, Anna Kournikova seems to be going downhill fast. Her online popularity grew so much in the 1990s that she stopped playing tennis professionally and took up porn instead (because it was more profitable). ESPN Sports ranked Kournikova 18th in its "25 Biggest Sports Flops of the Past 25 Years", citing the degree of hype around Anna Kournikova compared to her actual sports accomplishments was not fair. In 2005 she claimed she was 100% fit and that she would like to come back and compete again. Maybe the porn business turned out to be too rough for her.
  • #12. Madonna: In 2006 she announced she's finally given up acting and doesn't feel like directing either. Its not due to lack of talent, but rather her reputation as a control freak. Madonna is probably the smartest person on this list (I'd pay $$$ to watch her play celebrity chess against Dolly Parton or Christina Aguilera). Madonna has also emulated Marilyn Monroe over the years, deliberately writing "Material Girl" with Marilyn Monroe's "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" in mind. Eventually every Hollywood celebrity blonde seems to want to do a tribute to Marilyn Monroe. Afterall, Marilyn Monroe epitomized Hollywood glamour and fame. Its only smart to try to emulate it.
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    And the winner is Britney Spears! The dumbest blonde in American History!