Dear Lilith eZine:

A couple months ago I read Suzanne MacNevin's Anorexia Vs Obesity in North America article and I was outraged and extremely upset. How dare she endorse people to abuse fat people and make fun of us in an effort to peer pressure us to lose weight? I fumed about it for a day or so and then forgot about it.

About a week afterwards I bumped into an asshole on the subway and started to say "Oops, Sorry" when he just glared me and said "Stupid Fat Cunt."

I was shocked and hurt and I was immediately reminded of MacNevin's article. I was so angry at that asshole but at the time I couldn't think of what to say. I was just so angry and embarrassed and upset that when I got to work I went straight to the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes.

At the time I weighed 245.7 pounds and I'm only 5'6". My BMI index was almost 40.

That means I wasn't just obese, I was SUPER obese.

I decided to do something about it.

I've gone on diets before, I've used diet pills, I've tried exercising. I've even tried puking. Nothing has worked.

Until now.

I did some research and decided I would need a multi-level approach to weight loss. I would need to exercise, I would need to eat differently and I would need to change my habits.

It was difficult for the first two weeks, but I've cut out television. I cancelled my cable tv and I cut it off completely.

I stopped taking the subway to work. I walk now. I only take the subway on extremely cold/windy days.

The time I spent watching tv (about 2 hours every night) I now spend doing buns and thigh sculpting and jogging in place (I can't bring myself to jog outside. There's nothing more embarrassing than a fat person trying to jog.)

I gave all my junk food to a homeless guy on the street. He looked at me funny but was most happy to take it.

I even tried doing the MacNevin Diet, but the constant rice bored me. Instead I decided to focus on eating cold meats (cold deli meats have almost no fat), lots of juices and skim milk, and I placed a limit on how much bread (which is high in carbohydrates) I eat in a week (I can't eat more than a small loaf).

When offered free food at work, I take one. Just one. If its cake I take the smallest slice and don't eat the icing.

I now weigh 198.2. I've lost almost 50 pounds and several dress sizes. I've had to buy new clothes and I can finally fit into clothes that I haven't worn since I was in my 20s (I'm 38). My BMI is now 32. I'm still obese, but I'm getting closer to my goal.

My goal is to weigh 140. I think its a good healthy weight. It will be a BMI of 22, almost half of my previous BMI. Plus it means I will have lost over 100 pounds.

I feel more confident about myself already. I can feel the difference. I feel stronger and less clumsy. I still get people being rude to me, but every time I do I remember being called a FAT CUNT.

Well, I'm not a fat cunt. I WAS a fat cunt. Not anymore.

Thank you Suzanne MacNevin.

I hated you for saying those things. The same way I hate that asshole who called me a fat cunt, but you were right. I needed the insults to finally get the nerve to lose weight.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Jackie Patton, Toronto.

January 16th 2007.

Hey Lilith eZine!

Thanks for putting my letter online. Just thought I'd let you know I've lost even more weight. I now weigh 175.

I've had to add toning exercises to my routine because I've lost so much weight the skin is hanging off me. I joined a fitness club and I'm getting help doing specific exercises that will help tone up my skin and muscles.

My fitness instructors think the extra skin adds a chunk to my overall weight. They think if I tone up the skin my weight will eventually go down to 150. I'm practically there!

Thanks again!

Sincerely,
Jackie Patton, Toronto.

March 8th 2007.

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