F'ing Hilarious

Editor's Note: We've taken the liberty of avoiding jokes that are overtly sexist against women because sexist humour is based on patriarchal stereotypes and aren't really that funny. In some cases we altered jokes to make them non-sexist.

Ie. Jokes like "Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink." are just plain sexist, and frankly not that funny.

Sex Jokes and Cartoons I
Sex Jokes and Cartoons III
Sex Jokes and Cartoons IV

Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q. What is the Difference Between Pussy and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and it is all over.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynaecologists?
A. They have shaky hands.

Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.

Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. A bingo machine.

Q. What is a zebra?
A. 25 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?
A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?
A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A. Whores fuck everyone at the party, Bitches fuck everyone at the party except you.

Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?
A. Toys for Twats

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "Fuck"?
A. Get a fifth old lady to shout Bingo.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.

Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?
A. How tight she squeezes his balls.

Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?
A. Miracle Whip.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.

Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?
A. They have cotton balls

Q. What happens when you kiss a canary?
A. You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?
A. Thanks for coming.