F'ing Hilarious

Editor's Note: We've taken the liberty of avoiding jokes that are overtly sexist against women because sexist humour is based on patriarchal stereotypes and aren't really that funny. In some cases we altered jokes to make them non-sexist.

Ie. Jokes like "Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink." are just plain sexist, and frankly not that funny.

Sex Jokes and Cartoons I
Sex Jokes and Cartoons II
Sex Jokes and Cartoons IV

Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything.

Q. What is the definition of "making love"?
A. Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.

Q. Did you hear Richard Simmons had plastic surgery to get his love handles removed?
A. Yeah... now he has no ears.

Q. What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else?
A. Nice dick.

Q. What is the difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife?
A. A man has a chance of winning the lottery.

Q. Do you know how to eat a frog?
A. You put one leg over each ear.

Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog.
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
A. Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Q. What do you call a person who never farts in public?
A. A private tutor.

Q. What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

Q. Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
A. Her lipstick.

Q. What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A. Well hung.

Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him.

Q. How can you tell which one is the head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees.

Q. What do you call three lesbians in bed together?
A. Ménage à twat.

Q. What do gay men call hemorrhoids?
A. Speed bumps.

Q. What is the easiest thing to lift in the world?
A. A penis... just a thought can lift it.

Q. What do pervert kids want for Christmas?
A. Erection Sets.

Q. Define "Egghead".
A. What Mr. and Mrs. Humpty Dumpty give to each other.

Q. How can you tell if you have really bad acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.

Q. Did you know rednecks just discovered a new use for sheep?
A. Wool.

Q. What's a necrophiliac's biggest complaint about sex?
A. They just kinda lay there.

Q. What did the woman say to her male swimming instructor?
A. "Will I really drown if you take your finger out?"

Q. Why did the lumber truck stop?
A. To let the lumber jack off.

Q. Hey, what's sticky, white and falls from the sky?
A. The cumming of the Lord.

Q. What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist?
A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers.

Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something.

Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About two or three inches.

Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.

Q. How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A. At least one of his fingers is clean.

Q. What's the biggest fish in the world?
A. A hore, if you catch one you can eat her for months.

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

Q. Have you heard about the new 'Mint flavored birth control pill' that women can take immediately before sex?
A. They're called 'Predickamints'

Q. What is the difference between a golf ball and a g-spot?
A. Men will spend two hours searching for a golf ball and actually find it.

Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".