F'ing Hilarious

Editor's Note: We've taken the liberty of avoiding jokes that are overtly sexist against women because sexist humour is based on patriarchal stereotypes and aren't really that funny. In some cases we altered jokes to make them non-sexist.

Ie. Jokes like "Q. Why do women have small feet? A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink." are just plain sexist, and frankly not that funny.

Sex Jokes and Cartoons I
Sex Jokes and Cartoons II
Sex Jokes and Cartoons III

Q. What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A. A pussy, cause you have to leave the bags outside.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q. What's the difference between parsley and pussy?
A. Most men don't eat parsley.

Q. What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A. Kermit's Finger.

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q. What's the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

Q. Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A. Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and moaning, "Lie to me!"

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Q. What did the fresh egg say to the boiling water?
A. "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."

Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

Q. What's another name for pickled bread?
A. Dill-dough

Q. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snow blower coming.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A: Lickalotopuss.

Q. What do the Spice Girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common?
A. There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

Q. What do you call an redneck farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.

Q. What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A. Beethoven's First Movement.

Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.

Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this shit in here.

Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

Q. What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
A. At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Q. What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
A. Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.

Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.

Q. What goes: "CLICK, is that it? CLICK, is that it? CLICK, is that it?"
A. A blind person with a rubix cube.

Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?
A. They went outside to exchange blows.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster with a flea?
A. An itchy cock.

Q. Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q. What's the bad news about being a test tube baby?
A. You know for sure that your dad is a wanker.

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A. Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.