YouTube: Defining a Generations of Boobs on our Tubes
By Lauren Pincente - February 2007.

It seems like I cant leave my computer for a second these days without receiving an e-mail or instant message with the all-too-familiar www.YouTube.com link. Messages of LOL HILARIOUS and omg, youre gonna DIE! are often accompanied by some video of a crazy lady butchering her hair into a pixie as part of a pre-wedding freak-out hoax; yet another bullied, obese American teen lip-synching to a ridiculous French song; or an overly self-assertive Woodbridge-Italian kid telling me that his, armpits smell like f***in garlic. Everyone and everything is being posted on YouTube. The site, where you can post and share videos, homemade or not, is on fire-with no signs of cooling down anytime soon, it seems the mother (boards) will continue to burn.

The YouTube craze has hit the ultimate pinnacle of success because of the Warholian 15 Minutes of Fame prospect it presents. Though often in discussion in all forms of media that keep the YouTube wheels greased and spinning, the site seems to have taken on a life of its own (within the last hour of writing this, I caught mentions of the website on both NBCs Dateline and the WBs Gilmore Girls). Why all of a sudden has the narcissistic internet celebrity potential of YouTube become such a hit? Probably because the squeakiest of prima donnas to premiere on the site have seen the payoff of being greased.

Take the example of LonelyGirl15 (19 year old Jessica Rose) whose self-loathing video diary as an angsty American teen named Bree, has been revealed to be a ploy to be discovered. It has now done just that for the young girl who has moved from her native New Zealand to L.A. after the truth was disclosed online by someone who knew her. Rumour has it that she is currently signed on to star alongside Lindsay Lohan in an upcoming film. (I wonder if thats before or after the redheaded starlets stint in rehab...?)

Then, of course, theres my favourite example: faux-bridezilla, Jodi Behan, cutting off her long curls an hour before her wedding. Shortly after the video made the Top 100 Viewed list on YouTube.com came the truth: the video was a paid advertisement for SunSilk hair products which the aspiring actress and the companys marketing manager dreamed up one day while she waited on him as he sat in her section at Hemingways restaurant on Cumberland Ave. in Toronto. The video was such a hit that bride Behan is now turning down offers to appear on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno because her schedule is just too packed. (NB. If you havent yet seen the video, its NOT too late. After controversy involving SunSilks involvement, the video was taken done earlier this week. However, we did manage to find a mirror-copy of the video someone else had.)

But not only annoying things come from the sites amateur videos. Take the band, Ok, Go, for example. Their innovative music videos (you may know them as that band that dances on the treadmills) catapulted them not only onto the MTV stage but into the questionably-coveted spot of most notable performance at the August 2006 MTV Video Music Awards. Chances are you remember the moment yourself.

The lesson learned from these examples, however pathetic or captivating their performances were, is that if you want to be discovered you no longer need to parade around the local shopping centre in hopes of being approached by some cheesy, car salesman-like talent scout. In the traditional, lazy North American fashion, fame is available in your own home and you dont need to leave your couch or your potato chip bag to get a taste. You can have your chips and eat them, too.

YouTube has become synonymous with instantaneous-just look at how creators Steven Chen and Chad Hurley literally became billionaires in just over a year from the sale of the profitless website purchased by Google last October for $1.65 billion. From users to owners, YouTube feeds the MTV generations excessive desire to have it all now. By putting the world within a fingers reach, the video-sharing site allows you to be admired for being you, in all your glory, while the world watches-what else could anyone want in an age where we are all obsessed with instant money (and all the glory it bestows on those fortunate to receive it), name brands, and quick fixes? YouTube truly is the symbol of the younger generation as it neatly encompasses their wants (fame and money), their goals (fame and money) and the realization of their dreams (instant fame and money). I cant think of anything more narcissistic than that.

While there are no signs of YouTube running dry anytime soon, I prefer to leave someone else to grease the youth market into plastering their embarrassing moments and desperate pleas for fame onto the internet. YouTube, the postmodern spin on the boob tube, may be good for internet celebrity or a good 15 minutes. But who really wants to be one of those boobs?

My TV cut its own chord! Oh, the horror of televisual suicide!
By Lauren Pincente

Over the last seven years, audiences have seen television shows scream crys for help. Turn on the tube any day and youll be able to find, in a matter of minutes, mutilation (Extreme Makeover, Jackass, Restaurant Makeover), starvation (Americas Next Top Model, Vanity Insanity, The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency), excessive commodity fetishism (My Super Sweet 16, What Not to Wear) and self-loathing (Starting Over, the majority of people that go on The Real World). According to most psychotherapists, these are the symptoms of a severely depressed person. Does that mean television has become suicidal?

By far the biggest cry for help has to be the weight loss/motivational/game show, The Biggest Loser. In terms of genre cliches, this show is in its own category for many reasons. Exploiting people that are supposed to be getting help? Typical-look at Maury Povich, Jenny Jones, or Ricki Lake. But rewarding people with the title of Biggest Loser for dropping 50 lbs.? Thats innovation, friends. The producers of this show are brilliant for coming up with this premise: Obese (not fat, OBESE) Americans need to lose weight. Their bodies drop weight drastically with the help of their coaches (Bad fatty! Butter is not a meal!). Then, they win a prize if they lose the most weight (which usually leaves them still looking overweight-is that an improvement from obese?).

The best part about it is that the production team manages to demoralize the fatties all the while convincing them that they are doing it for their own benefit and are helping out others who are struggling like themselves. Theyre an inspiration to all of America. Greatest of all is the latest installment of The Biggest Loser. They easily managed to scrounge up 50 families from all 50 states of the U.S. who need to lose weight (I'm sure it was easy. Any other Canadians feeling its starting to get roomy in our country as American waist bands are starting to bloat over our borderline?). The Biggest Loser produces what America does best. It provides egotistical nationalism and obese people in one show-two of Americas greatest accomplishments.

My favourite part of the demoralization process is that they manage to get all the shirtless fatties, flab flying everywhere, to step on a massive scale and jump in excitement when they lose 20 lbs. off their 250 lb. bodies. And is there really any need to talk about the satire in the shows name and how screwed up inside these people have to be to willingingly place their smiling picture beneath the title of Biggest Loser? Oops, I think I just did talk about that.

TV is in a slump (not that it was ever anything exceptional in the first place). Such a slump that my 50 year old, semi-disabled mother feels the need to write a strong letter to all the corporations in charge of programming (before you ask, she doesnt have Downs Syndrome, you fucks). Folks, thats serious. Nothing gets the K-Dawg down except when her favourite contestant is kicked off Survivor. The world of television has reached a pinnacle of disappointment and, like that emo kid you stalk on MySpace, its going down fast and hard. But is there a final Prozac or Lithium that will help curb this lack of televisual enthusiasm? Only producers in the world of fake reality television could have the answer to that. (Or perhaps a fake doctor like Dr. Phil.) That being said, I have to get back to watching the junk that is on television at this very moment. My television is so suicidal, I'm afraid it may cut its own chord.